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Dark days

Why is that they think that it's always wrong with me..
to have my day gone without food and water, why do they blame me.. 
why it is so hard if I express it.. 
can't they see me as a human and expect me all to compress it?

Sounds funny, out of joy.. 
I'm writing my misery in a rhyme.. 
because it gets hard for them to see me cry, yet they expect me all day smile..

I'm a girl full of dreams.. 
yet why do they blame me for who I'm being.?
What's so hard to see past my watery eyes..
Doesn't that tell you why my pillow soaked in cries?

What is that, that makes me overdramatic..
Just because I show my teeth doesn't tell them that certain things make me nostalgic.
I get angered, triggered easily..
I say a few things which I didn't intend to speak..
Yet why is that they blame me for all this..
Doesn't this becomes your fault because I "understand" while you don't what I've through being?

I never choose this life, nor I wanted it for me..
Having cared for everybody and killing yourself slowly that's not I wanted to be.
I envy the person I am,
I know a few things, alot things, not good for my charm.
Yet I laugh and be carelessly loving people around me..
But why at the end of night the blame is on me?

Am I so complicated to understand?
Am I so bad to be talked with?
It gets sickening to be for everyone while no one really stands by you in your darkest hours..

And here sometimes I wish I would vanish completely..
Where I have no one to think about..
No one to care for..
No one to love..
Because all I need is me..
All I need is me..

Because at the end of the day.. I'm still a human..
I still crave..
No matter how much I understand..
I'd still make mistake..
My pillows are full of rainbow strains..
Yet only thing I wish is to have that person who sees past this.. 
Meet my real me..
If not there's not much left..
Because I give up on people..
I wanna vanish out without any fear.

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